Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Fat, Dumb, And Bald

Is no way to go through life, or so Dean Wormer says in Animal House

This is as much skin as the WPP (Witless Protection Program)
allows me to show. Funny, even though I have her haircut,
I still don't look like Sinead O'Connor. Wahhh.
 Ok. Enough!!! Let the veil of silence be shattered! Time for an update. And a recipe.

No. Recipes will have to wait till I don't feel like hurling toes or blowing chunks.

Update will have to do for now. Please continue your patience for a day or two longer?

Well, so here's the poop.

I have cancer.

It's Stage III Invasive Ductile Carcinoma (don't know the A or B of it until after surgery). It's ER/PR+ and HER2/neu - and is a high grade tumor. And if you think I'm speaking a foreign language, God-forbid-it-would-happen-to-one-of-you, but when you're diagnosed with cancer and people start talking, you often feel like they are speaking a foreign language. No shit. Really.

So to translate, my tumor is Estrogen and Progesterone positive which means it responds or grows in the presence of female hormones. Even though I'm post-hysterectomy 3+ years, I have enough estrogen and probably enough progesterone stuffed in the millions of tiny fat penthouses all over my body to stop a freight train and to grow this puppy into the size of a Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. Susie's Rule #1 of Breast Cancer...don't be fat.

The good news is that it is HER2 negative. HER2 is an anagram and stands for Human Epidermal Growth Factor Protein 2. All gobbledy-gook aside, HER2 cancers tend to be very agressive and quick growing. Mine is a high grade tumor and poorly differentiatiated, so it's agressive enough (22% Proliferation Rate = rate at which it's reproducing) on its own, thankfully though, it isn't HER2. Susie's Rule #2 of Breast Cancer...if you have to be fat and have cancer, don't let it be a HER2+ tumor - it just complicates things more.

The tumor is about 2.6cm and there is lymph node involvement - three for certain and most likely a 4th hot node. Yippee. Susie's Rule #3 of Breast Cancer...if you have to be fat and have invasive cancer over 2cm in size, don't let it be in your lymph nodes and don't let it go beyond 3 lymph nodes or you are upgraded from Stage II to Stage III.

So I'm in something called neo-adjuvant therapy. Neo-adjuvant therapy is fancy pants term for chemotherapy before surgery. My doctor feels neo-adjuvant is the way to go because of the proliferation rate of the tumor and it gives us a chance to see which chemo is going to work on the beast. The goal would be to shrink the tumor and kill any cancer cells in other parts of the body before I go have surgery.

I will be having surgery and have made my final decision. Both Ginger and MaryAnn have been voted off Survivor Island. Sayanara girls. It's been real. No more Schweaty McBoobikins, no more Fungal Francine, no more Backache Betty, or LiverCrusher Jones. You're both taking the dingy to nowhere and may not return. Pack up your belongings and go!

The bet to see how much these sock monkeys weigh is on! So place your number in the comments and if we have enough to shout about, we'll make an official chart on it. LOL. *hic. sigh. (If you can't laugh you cry and laughing is much healthier.)

You might think I'm taking this lightly but I'm not. Not really. There will be grief. There will be tears. There have been tears and sleepless nights and worry. Worry. Worry. Worry. Trouble been doggin' my soul, since the day I was shit. Really. It has. But in the rock-scissors game of life with boobs on one side and life with reccurrence on the other...well the choice is amazingly easy. And you know, when you really think about it...doesn't the world have too many Boobs in it anyway? What's two less?

The jury is still out on whether, "We CAN Rebuild IT! Seriously. Have lots of questions regarding inflammation that will need to be answered first. I may just choose to shop at Flat Stanley's Tent Emporium for the rest of my life and count myself blessed and lucky beyond belief. Thank you Jesus!!!

Susie's Rule #4 of Breast Cancer...if you're fat, are pre-diabetic, make wads of insulin, and have a buttload of CRP (C-Reactive Protein = marker of inflammation), you may want to ask your doctor LOTS and LOTS of drilling questions regarding the issues of inflammation with regards to breast reconstruction and risk/reward benefits and prognosis before making a decision.

 I've now finished my second round of chemo. And I went from shoulder length hair to Wynona Ryder length hair and now to Sinead O'Connor hair.

Believe or not, making like a sheep and getting sheared was cry-worthy. You would not believe the pounds of eye make-up I'm putting on these days in order to assert my feminity! But dang, Pharoah didn't have a thing on this gal.

Denny and The Boys (Remember our sock monkey boys: Tony, Buddy, Kevin, Schylling, their dog WeeWee and WeeWee's stuffed baby, Skeeter) have taken to calling me Cueball. They better watch out. I may just decide to beat them all at pool one day.

Or cook them in a massive stew. I haven't decided! But one thing's for sure. Fat, dumb and bald is no way to go through life!

Guess I better kick up the weight loss right?


  1. Thank you for your update. I never had any idea of the "foreign language". Pls take care of yourself. You'll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers to get well quickly!

  2. So happy to see you are updating here again. You are a great writer, and the explanations are so very helpful. Hugs and prayers KCG

  3. 1. I vote for stew
    2. put me down to 10.8lbs for the girls.

    3. you Rock darls. Thanks so much for sharing what is going on. It is like a foreign language but you're super duper smart! You speak english, and cancerese!

    Did the WPP approve you showing your beautiful eye to us? Or are you going all rebel.

    p.s. cutting my hair off would make me cry, and throw things, and want to stab people. You did great sticking to just crying ;).

  4. Love ya P! Izzy

  5. Boobs= 8.9 pounds, they were not totally even, LOL

    Oh hun I am praying for you, and I am so glad to still see you in your writings and posts!!!!!

    Luv ya!!!

  6. Hey Pooti, put me down for 8.5 lbs, just how much can a couple of boobies weigh?

    Love ya sweetie, know that you're in my thoughts and prayers for your speedy recovery.


  7. I had just subscribed to your blog when you shared your diagnosis with us. I'm happy to see you back on here. My son fought leukemia when he was 2 and I was right there with him. I know how horrible it is without having experienced it for myself. I cried when his hair came out!!! I will keep you in my prayers and hope you feel like sharing recipes soon. Many hugs!

  8. reconstructive surgery can be very painful and leave you with frankenboobs. the up side is that you won't have to get a mammogram if you just have them removed. with reconstruction i think you still will. the weight is tricky....can we have a cup size? i would hate to over (or under) judge them. best of luck to you and i will keep you in my prayers. i just found your blog when you found out and i have been thinking of you ever since. i am glad you are back in any capacity. just let us know your ok.


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