Monday, May 28, 2012

Bloomin' Onion Bread and Bacon Cheddar Ranch Blossom Bread Guilt Free Low Carb Gluten Free

Bloomin' Onion Bread and Bloomin' Ranch Bread - It's Bloomin' Diabolical Deliciousness! You can just call it Crack Bread if ya wanna!

Bloomin' Onion Crack Bread shouldn't be
low carb and gluten free, but it is...this is a true story!
It all began with that danged ol’ bloomin’ onion bread picture on Pinterest. *sigh*

I’m serious. Obsession glommed onto me like nobody’s beeswax and I knew I had to recreate it in Susie’s Low Carb Gluten Free World. That bread had to live here in my world or I’d just bust!

See? This is what’s wrong with me.

I lust.

I do.

I lust after food.

I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish I was an eager overachiever who only thought about health and fitness and who lusted after lunges or sprints or lifting large masses. Instead, the only large mass I consistently lift is my “assssspirin bottle” from one
chair to another and on a 1-1/2mile walk four times a week. And I grouse and complain most of the way!

I’m from a long line of fluffy chix who hid behind lace curtains and maintained decorum. I still remember our mama's mom, we called her Gay, as she educated me.

She’d say, “Doozie (yes, sigh, she called me Doozie – hated it!), horses sweat. Men perspire. And young ladies glow.”

See, I took that to mean I wasn’t born to exercise or exert myself too much – outside the kitchen. It’s ok to sweat like a hog if you’re in the kitchen bakin’ a piece of pie, though.

Ham or Bacon Cheddar Ranch Crack Bread - it's called
Crack Bread cuz of its dangerously addictive nature.
But again, I digress. Let’s get back to my need for speed. Or rather, my need for crack. Cuz that’s what this bread is really and truly. It’s crack bread. It is nothin’ but a butter and cheese delivery system wrapped up in a neat, low carb and gluten free package.

Crack bread can be filled with anything your little heart imagines! My first two tries resulted in Onion Swiss Crack Bread and Ham Cheese and Ranch Crack Bread. I plan on making Pizza Crack Bread soon as well as Cinnabon Crack Bread and Candied Orange Crack Bread. Oh hey, don't forget the Jalapeno Popper Crack Bread!

The recipe isn’t exact. The carb counts and nutritionals will just be a general guestimate. Why? Cuz you really don’t measure the “stuffing”. You just cram-it, jam-it, rock ‘em - sock ‘em robot your way through stuffing these babies with gooey goodness!

Breakfast of Champions - Fried Eggs, Sauteed Spinach
with Tomatoes and a slice of Ranch Crack Bread.
Happy Memorial Day!
I’ve said it before; I’ll say it again, “I’m not a fatphobe.”

When I control my carbs, fat is my friend. It helps me feel satiety easier, It affects blood sugar very little, if any. Fat helps regulate important metabolic functions in the body, helps assimilate and utilize important vitamins and minerals, and helps restore cell membranes, made primarily of saturated fats.

But still, there is a lot of fat in this recipe. Just a warning. I don’t want you fallin’ off your chair in shock or sending poison pen letters or anything impetuous like that!

And that fat translates to being a calorie dense food. In my diet world, unfortunately, calories do count if I want to lose weight. I can maintain until the cows come home by simply counting carbs. I just can’t lose. And losing is the name of the game for me – since my oncologist wants me to weigh between 150-160lbs. So count, I must.

Onion Swiss Crack Bread just waitin' for cookin'! Did I
mention it's low carb and gluten free?
That means Crack Bread is a high-holiday treat. That’s ok. I’m fairly certain if I ate this bread every day, I would lose my love for it. It is rich! And drooliciously decadent! And although this looks like a large loaf, remember, objects in the mirror may appear larger than in real life.

This crack bread is actually a mini loaf. The bread is made from Revolution Roll Batter and that type of bread does better when baked in muffin tins and small ramekins and rounds. I think the one I used was maybe 3 to 4 inches round? A serving is ¼ of the bread and that is about the size of a dinner roll or muffin. It’s plenty!

Maybe you guys will hop right up and whip up a batch of Revolution Bread and then make this Crack Bread for Memorial Day!?! I can tell you it goes great with just about any meal! If you have bacon, go for the Ham or Bacon Cheese and Ranch version first. I woulda used bacon in my version, but we were out of bacon and we had a little Boar’s Head Ham left from the Ham and Egg Cups. Worked like a beauty!

It’s a versatile recipe. Make it your own. Own it! Lighten it up if you want. Just make it. Then pledge allegiance to the flag! Cuz it’s gonna make your heart do a little patriotic dance! You’ll think of America, Baseball, Apple Pie, and Crack Bread! Hallelujah! Pass the cheese! 
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Low Carb Gluten Free Revolution Bread ready to get
stuffed with yummy goodies! It shouldn't be legal but it is!
Crack Bread
Serves 4 Mini Loaves – 4 Servings per Loaf
Prep Time – 15 Minutes
Cook Time – 20 Minutes
Difficulty – Easy Peasy Cheesy Breazy

For Bread Ingredients
1 Recipe Revolution Batter  
2 Tbsp Coconut Flour 
2 Tbsp Parmesan Cheese, grated

(Optional Batter Additions) 
2 tsp Rosemary Leaves, fresh, rough chopped (optional)
1 Lemon, Zested (optional)

Preheat oven to 325°.

Prepare Basic Revolution Batter and add the 2 tablespoons of coconut flour, Green Can Parmesan Cheese, rosemary leaves and lemon zest into the yolk mixture, prior to combining with egg whites.

Bake bread in 3 or 4 inch round ramekins lined with parchment. If you don’t have any ramekins that size, make your own bread molds from non-stick aluminum foil. Shape them with the bottom of a pickle or mayonnaise jar! Make sure you make them at least 3” tall! I would also make sure to use a double thickness of foil in order to give it more body!

(Note: This batter is sticky and is a mess to clean up! So please use parchment liners in the ramekins or use non-stick aluminum foil. If using regular aluminum foil, spray it with olive oil spray. I don’t spray the parchment or non-stick aluminum foil molds though.)

Bake Revolution Bread at 325° for 35-45 minutes. Lay a sheet of aluminum foil loosely over the tops of the bread if it looks like it’s getting too dark. You really don’t want the bread to brown too much at this point.

Bake until done throughout.

Turn off oven and prop door open. Allow bread to sit in the oven to cool for about 10-15 more minutes.

Allow breads to cool before scoring into a “blossom” cut. Once cooled, using a sharp knife or serrated knife, gently cut down through bread at ½” intervals. Cut almost to the bottom but leave the bottom connected. Turn it 90° and repeat the vertical cuts. You are making a “bread blossom”. Try not to cut through and detach the bread columns.

Cradle the non-stick foil around the Crack Bread.
Place bread rounds on a sheet of non-stick aluminum foil or onto olive oil sprayed aluminum foil or into an olive oil sprayed Pyrex pie plate to re-bake with the toppings. If using aluminum foil, lightly cradle the foil up around the bread. It helps maintain the round blossom shape. I actually made a light foil “package” and left the top slightly open but wrapped the aluminum foil up and over the bread so it wouldn’t brown too much. The more Revolution Bread browns, the more pronounced the egg becomes.

Stuff cheese between the columns of the bread. Top with any desired meats or veggies. Pour butter and herb mixture over bread and let it soak into the bread.

Bake at 400° for 20 minutes or until cheese is melted and beginning to brown. Serve ¼ of a loaf per person and make sure to pour any butter that remains in the bottom of the foil, over each serving.

For Toppings
Low Carb Bloomin' Onion Crack Bread is gluten free and legal!

Green Onion Swiss Cheese, aka Bloomin' Onion Crack Bread Variation

½ c Green Onion Chopped
1/3c Butter, Melted (unsalted)
1 tsp. Lemon, zested
1 wedge Lemon, juiced
2 cloves Garlic, slivered
1/8c Flat Leaf Parsley, chopped
1-1/2 oz Asiago Cheese, cut into small cubes
2 oz Swiss Cheese, sliced thinly

Melt butter and add all other ingredients except cheeses. Mix well.

Stuff cheese between columns of bread.

Pour melted butter with onions and herbs over bread.

Cradle and lightly wrap in non-stick aluminum foil and bake at 400° for 20 minutes or until cheese is gooey and melted.

Stuff the Ranch Crack Bread with Green Onions, Cheddar,
Bacon or Ham, and yummy Ranch Butter. Low Carb,
Gluten Free Legal!
Ham or Bacon Cheddar Ranch Crack Bread Version

½ c Green Onion Chopped
3-4 slices Bacon
3-4 oz Cheddar Cheese
3 Tbsp. Ranch Dressing

¼ c. Butter, Melted (unsalted
1 Tbsp. Parsley, dried
1 clove Garlic, slivered

Melt butter and add all other ingredients except cheeses. Mix well.

Remove from heat and add ranch dip.

Stuff cheese between columns of bread.

Pour melted butter with onions and herbs over bread.

Cradle and lightly wrap in non-stick aluminum foil and bake at 400° for 20 minutes or until cheese is gooey and melted.

Nutritional Information (without the optional rosemary and lemon zest in the bread)

Bloomin' Onion Bread
(Recipe makes 4 Loaves) 
Full Recipe – 1 Loaf: 1451 Calories; 126g Fat (77.3% calories from fat); 61g Protein; 22g Carbohydrate; 7g Dietary Fiber; 15g Effective Carbs

Single Serving – ¼ Loaf: 363 Calories; 31g Fat (77.3% calories from fat); 15g Protein; 5g Carbohydrate; 2g Dietary Fiber; 3g Effective Carbs

Bacon Cheddar Ranch Bread
(Recipe makes 4 Loaves) Full Recipe – 1 Loaf: 1512 Calories; 133g Fat (78.6% calories from fat); 62g Protein; 19g Carbohydrate; 7g Dietary Fiber; 12g Effective Carbs

Single Serving – ¼ Loaf: 378 Calories; 33g Fat (78.6% calories from fat); 15g Protein; 5g Carbohydrate; 2g Dietary Fiber; 3g Effective Carbs

SusieT’s Notes –
This is diabolical madness at its best. I love this bread. Although the Ranch Bread is truly great and threatens to become a Texas favorite with barbeque of all kinds, I actually adore the Green Onion version even more. The garlic, parsley butter reminds me of escargot butter or chef’s butter. 

So good you look over your shoulder for the food police.
But it's legal and low carb!

Although you can’t actually “pull it apart” like you can in the original high carb version, this is good stuff, Maynard! It delivers the fillings in a bread-like substrate and the egg flavor is not pronounced.

Even the carb monkeys in your midst will love this recipe. And the best thing about it? As long as I control my carb counts and maintain a low carb diet, I don’t feel like I have to worry about eating this kind of cheesy, butter bomb!

I just can’t do it every day and lose weight. But hey, now and then on a weekend or holiday and I’m good to go! Don't you think we need both kinds of recipes? The ones we can eat every day and those special, feast type recipes?

Happy Memorial Day! 
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  1. I've never heard of Crack Bread. Looks delicious!

  2. This looks really great and I hope to try these sometime this summer. I bought some of those ramekins at Goodwill for about $1 or so each. Great deal! It also came with a basket to hold each ramekin.

    Still haven't made the buns or wraps, but I have all the ingredients. I've just been to 10 consecutive days worth of socials and have 2 more days to go.

    I've cooked or brought something to each and I'm getting burned out. :( Your foods look so delicious though.

    1. Wow Doris! You may win the prize for "Most Sociable" - haha! I'm not that sociable. LOL. I can only stand two at the most being back-to-back! :hugs: and hope you make it! You're on the downhill stretch now. Then go rest, you deserve it!

      Those ramekins sound like a great deal. Denny and I go "thrifting" almost every week. You find amazing stuff and $1/ramekin is AWESOME!!! I find a TON of my kitchen tools that way.


    2. Hey Susiet,

      I so want to do this recipe today, but we are keeping our house at 83-84° F and it's about 110° F outside. To bring myself to even turn on the stove, much less the oven is tough. I just finished a protein fruit smoothie with lots of ice.

      So very burned out on all my socials. I did finish the 12 days, but I've now canceled a bunch of other socials for the month of June. I'm planning on going back to work outside the home in August after working from home & raising my 2 kids alone for the past 5.5 yrs, as I need more money and want to get back to realizing my stock trading dreams. Can't do it getting paid hardly anything writing. Arrgh.

      I should be at a baby shower right now, instead I've been in my jammies for 3 days, haven't showered either. I know, GROSS! I'm actually a low level introvert, so the 12 days of socials (almost like the 12-days of Christmas) is way too much. Learned my lesson.

      Need to relearn how to say, "Sorry, Can't!", "No!".

      Hope you are doing well!!!

      Hugs back,

    3. Hey Girl, sometimes saying "no" is the hardest word. I'm a sociable person, but dang, I'm hard pressed after 2-3 days!!! LOL. I can't even contemplate 12 days back-to-back. You sweet, exhausted thang you!

      LOL, I'm afraid I have you jammie-story-beat! *snort* *wink* Won't go into, 8 days...during chemo. *blush*

      Good for you for going back to work. You can do it!!! What do you write?

      The bread will be there when you get ready. It will be perfect for the fall and holidays when it's cooler. OMG. it was in the high 90s today. I swear it felt like July or August!

      Great to hear from you, Doris! Would you spread the word to your friends?

    4. Sure, I'll spread the word to my friends. I just posted to my FB paged and pinned you to my Pinterest. I'll put you in my blogroll list just shortly.

      I write SEO content for some sites. It's great to have my own hours, but the content isn't as fun as blogging. I got paid pretty well as an engineer, but my hours were never good for raising a family.

      I've been a single mom for a little over 5 yrs now and have my kids 100% of the time, so they are used to having me all the time, and now it will be a challenge for them as my daughter enters jr high and my son, all he remembers is me being there all the time for him.

      But, I really need more money, as I need to rebuild my retirement, savings, the kids' college educations and I need funds for that. I figure if I go out and work, make good money for a year or so, hopefully not more than 2 yrs, I can rebuild all my accounts back to greater than what they were before my divorce.

      I totally love the market with a passion and it doesn't matter what happens to the market, money can be made no matter what.

      Ohhhh . . . the 8 days? ICK!!!!! I was feeling pretty gross with 3 days . . . Okay, I hope to never compete with you there. LOL.

      I was thinking with these blossoms, maybe like a chorizo, pepper jack with cilantro & onions . . .some tomatoes would make a very good Mexican Blossom. What do you think?

  3. Replies
    1. Janet, this Crack Bread is the cure for the mean hungries. I swear. It's soooo good. I can't even stand it! I was no sooner eating the Ranch Crack Bread for breakfast, ahem, FOR FREAKIN BREAKFAST - and I was thinking up new diabolical combinations. I think the Cinnabon one and the Pizza Crack Bread will be next!

  4. This looks amazing! I have been too scared to make revolution rolls though as I keep hearing how temperamental they are. I may break down and try though now....

    1. KCMama, if you follow my tutorial on the Revolution Bread/Rolls, you won't have any issues. Promise! And if you make your own molds or use mini muffin tins or lined ramekins, you will have even fewer fails! :)

      It's really very versatile and delicious!! Glad to see you here BTW!!! MUAH! Love ya!

  5. Susie...I love your style! Attitude, writing, photography, recipes and instructions that make sense...if you ever do a cookbook, I'll be first in line. By the way, your eggs look so perfect...I'll bet you have those little egg rings. I don't have them, and my eggs are definitly not perfect. Interesting though...sometimes they look like a map of the U.S.! Thanks for all the work you put into this blog.

    1. Heather thank you so much! What warm praise and I swear, my heart grew 5 sizes just now! :) It's the feedback, that this is useful information instead of self-indulgent nonsense that gives me purpose! Especially now after BC.

      As for the perfect eggs, lol! I have been playing with giving my English Muffin rings more playing time! LOL. Now that I no longer make my homemade English Muffins they get kinda lonely and neglected. So I spray em with olive oil spray and use them to make "fried"/basted eggs. :)

      It looks a little fussy to me, but if I do amoeba eggs which is what I usually do, it sometimes makes it harder to photograph the associated elements in a recipe. So it helps to know how others see ane perceive the photos!!

      Hugs and thanks so much for dropping a comment!!! :hugs:

  6. This is like a work of savory art! :D

    1. Haha! I don't about the work of art part, but it is a work of gooey yumminess that makes your tummy sing! :) ;)

  7. Dear Susie, I'm so glad I found your blog :) You have a great way with words. You are telling me/us how you feel and function so you come across as a 'normal' person (huh?? wha's that??) and not some crazy health-nut as well as making what looks to be gorgeous foodstuffs for us low-carbers....THANK YOU!!!

    I really want to try making your crack bread but could you advise me what to use in regular ingredients in stead of the batter mix? I live in Amsterdam in the Netherlands and we don't have it. If needs be I could try to order it on-line but the credit crunch has hit here too and I would prefer not to ;)

    Thanks again for putting some hart into this believer but weak-willed low-carber (I like me the wine :( ) so it's working but going SO slow....recipies like yours really chear me up!

    xxx from dreary and wet Amsterdam!
    Nikki (sorry for anonymous but couldnt post as any of the others)

    1. Hi Nikki! Thanks so much for your high praise! Sooo...I too understand credit crunches and budgets!!!

      Not sure what you mean by subs for the batter...but here is the list of ingredients and I will try to break it out for you, ok? The asterisks are items you have to have and I have no known substitute strategies for you...the others I've tried to give you substituteskies!

      8 Large Eggs, separated*
      5/8c Cottage Cheese (any kind - recipe used Whole Milk) (If you don't have Cottage Cheese, sub out cream cheese, or Greek Yogurt, or Sour Cream, or Mayo)
      1-1/8c Mozzarella Cheese, shredded (If you don't have mozzarella cheese, sub out for any firm bodied, part skim cheese...if not part skim, it will be oily cuz of the full fat in the cheese.)
      ½ tsp Granulated Garlic (Sub for real garlic. This is a must!! You must have some spice in the bread.)
      ¼ tsp Granulated Onion Powder (Sub for 1/2 Tbsp grated Real Onion. It's also a must! Or use 1-2 Tbsp Green Onions or Chives.)
      ¼ tsp Kosher Salt*
      1 scoop Protein Powder (about 30g or 1/4 to 1/3c, scoop comes with protein) (You can omit this but the bread is more moist and lacks some body. You can try grinding nuts or using nut flours or maybe some grated cauliflower or zucchini that has been wrung dry of it's juices.)
      ¼ tspCream of Tartar *
      1-1/2 tsp Country Dijon (optional) (Sub out plain mustard of any kind.)
      1 tsp Baking Powder, Gluten Free, non-aluminum *
      ¼ tsp Glucomannan Powder or 1 tsp Xanthan Gum - (You only need this for the tortilla versions. If you don't have, use some flax or chia meal or use about 1 Tbsp of unflavored gelatin powder or leaves, or use any xanthan gum, guar gum, or acacia gum.)
      2 Tbsp. Pork Rind Crumbs (Optional)* (If you don't have use parmesan cheese.)
      2 Tbsp. Coconut Flour (Optional), sift after measuring to remove lumps. (Sub out for other fiber like psyllium fiber, oat fiber, oat bran, rolled oats, wheat bran, rice bran, corn bran.)
      Sesame Seeds or Poppy Seeds, optional (about ¼ tsp. per roll and 1Tbsp per Focaccia recipe) (Omit if you don't have any.)

      Hope this helps you! Much of low carb baking is trial and error. The protein powder is pretty important to give it added protein and structure. The protein powder, pork rinds, and coconut flour all add body and strength to the bread and add flexibility. So the buns and bread don't decentigrate when stuff is added to it. Or it doesn't fall into a pile of crumbs when you pick it up. That's what I mean by body!

      Cheers! Drink a glass for me. I miss mine so! Damn you Breast Cancer!

  8. You lust after food? I would never have You're funny!

    1. Haha! *snort* Yeah earth shaking confession, right?


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